the fight

one fights sexuality, another anger and depression......it is weird life is a constant fight. when will i ever have peace and no battle. or like david i am to have all battles and solomon will have peace. is that how things ought to be. i guess it is more sacrifice that is called for.
one thing is true the less you demand, the more you get dealt with all kinds of crazy stuff. the more you demand things get done the way exactly as you envision. one said i will not stay in a house without a terrace, yes she was given a house with a terrace whether it was rented or own. another said, i will not do this or that and all things get done in their ideas, may be others sulk a bit but who cares.
another said i will have my son study here and daughter study here and the house will be through before children go to college all done. the fourth little pig stayed at home looking out for everyone else's conveniences and got fooled / robbed.
ended up with a body that is rotting by the day a mind that is constantly fighting depressing thoughts. why i have no clue.

sometimes it really is irritating --one wants some photos, and i am willing to make it a cd and give it, but he just wants to pay for the cd and not bring me another cd. sorry , gone are the days that i gave all i have and then ran around looking for things when i need them the most. if i had a cd with me last sunday, i could have gotten away from getting wet in the rain.
my legs hurt a lot if i get wet in the rain. but who knows? who cares? every one has their platter full and they are happy. no body wants to know how it got to be full. i guess the fault is mine because i always made it look so easy and i guess i am paying for it for now.

money gets eaten away as though some moth is eating it. don't know what to do about it. let me see. i need to be able to have money not just for myself but to have enough to give away when i need to.

want to buy something in diamond for my mother. don't know if i can pull it off this time. but i certainly want to do it. it is not that she needs it. but i don't like the fact that she is taken for granted. she deserves better than that.
God give me wisdom how to find the money and grace to buy it for her.
this is random crankiness going on.

pradeepa was my character a long time ago. but i recently met pradeepa in real life. now that i have met one with the same name, i better tell her about my character before i use it again.